It seems to be a complete mystery. Something we cannot understand. And yet it happens every day all around us: People who used to love each other madly suddenly fall out of love, just like that.
Falling in love is very easy.
And falling out of it is even easier.
The start of a relationship is always the finest hour of romance.It’s the magic of first moments, the time when you love every little thing about your partner, including the annoying habits, Romantic gestures, soft whispers of undying love and the compelling need to be with each other are all the symptoms.
But it doesn’t last for long and you’re left wondering how it all changed. Where is the love that once existed and was so prominent in everything you did or said? Where has it vanished? The real truth about the first few months of love is that we’re only infatuated be each other. It’s only the first phase of what we identify as love.
Angie: “I woke up in the middle of the night and looked at my guy. He still looked exactly like the man I used to be crazy about, except I just didn’t feel the same way. It scared me. I think I must have stared at him for hours, searching in my heart for the warm feelings I always felt in the past. He’s just as wonderful as always. Maybe I’ve just not tried hard enough. What if I couldn’t find anyone better? Am I running away without really giving it my best shot? What if the problem is me?”
Sean: “She reached out to touch me in the beautiful way she always has. I thought I was just tired. I made some kind of lame excuse and she was fine that first night. Then it happened again. We talked about seeing a doctor, but I knew it wasn’t physical. I love this woman as much as I ever did, but something is just missing, and I don’t know what it is. Christ, I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t want to pretend I feel something I don’t either. I don’t even want to tell her because I know she’d be devastated”
The reason why people fall out of love is because they’re human. Yes. We are designed to fall out of love.
And then, if the relationship is healthy and both people understand what real love is about, we fall back in love, deeper than before. And then we fall out of love and back in love. You get the picture. Falling in and out love is as cyclical as the tides of the ocean.
The problem generally arises when, at the first sign of falling out of love, someone jumps ship.
“I just wasn’t in love anymore,” we hear as a common reason why one person left a relationship. We take this to mean that the heart-pounding, exhilarating feelings that characterize the first stage of a relationship have faded. The eternal beloved who, just days or weeks before, made life worth living, is now a regular, flawed, sometimes annoying unbearable human being.
Reignite your feelings of love
Yes, it does takes enormous courage to open your heart once you’ve been hurt. Yet it’s the only way of sustaining real love. Once you can start to identify the ways that you shut down and protect, thereby barricading your heart behind a ironclad wall, the faster you’ll be able to soften that wall and move toward your partner once again.
When you know the love laws and commit to putting the loving actions that open your heart into practice, you can sustain a lifetime of a loving, honest, satisfying relationship. It’s not always easy or fast work, but it’s work that is well-worth the effort.
For, in the end, all we really want is to feel love and be loved.