Have you ever met someone and felt such an instant and amazing bond of attraction and connection that you thought this person must be The One? You feel so comfortable with them and such a closeness that you think you must have, at last, found your soul mate. But is it true love? Or have you found yourself attached someone, not because you love them, but because you need them? And how you can tell the difference?
It’s not love. You know that!!!
They do not fulfill you. You cannot foresee them in your coming life. They are just here right now and it feels good. Having them in your life feels like stashing some mint gums. They don’t fill in a purpose but every now and then they make you feel satiated. So they are always stashed in your purse for those boring, empty, fulfils me right now days. And before you could realise, you find yourself ATTACHED. ADDICTED. It’s not love, friendship or commitment. It’s just attachment. And it’s worse than any of these things.
Here are the signs that you are in for a wrong haul. Get out of it ASAP!
1. Their timing was perfect
Most of the time, they come in your life out of nowhere. The reason why you allowed them to enter your personal space and become your emotional cord is because their timing was such. You might have been emotionally vulnerable, broken or damaged. Their entrance was like a breather.
2. You feel they ‘fixed you’
Having such perfect timing, they had no choice but to fix you. They showed you another perspective of life and being with them, you have unknowingly received some of the best life lessons. You will forever be indebted to them for this. But what after this? Can it take you any higher? You don’t feel like growing together. One is always catching up with the other.
3. You have zero expectations
Be it about last moment cancellations or a future, you have never placed many expectations on them. You both had set clear unsaid boundaries since the beginning. It doesn’t hurt you or disappoint you. It might pinch you like a tiny thorn but it never holds the power to shake your world.
4. There are absolutely no vulnerabilities
Sometimes you might feel they are fuss-free people with no weightage. The truth is there is no vulnerability right now because neither of you are deeply invested. You might find them to be liberating as they never get paranoid about your new friends or random parties. But may be, they don’t care much.
5. They satiate you
You have never known how it feels like to not find them there. You are bored or alone, you text them. You are in an emergency, they are there. You return from a party and you’re dying to tell someone how everybody sucks, they will be there to say, “Hell, they do!” It feels good, right?
6. But they don’t fulfill you
But then you dig deep and find you’d love to share this with someone else. And they are not them. You don’t really meet their friends, neither do they meet yours. You don’t plan your outings. You just hangout; mostly at the last moment. It’s different than meeting others but there’s no spark. And you often wonder why!
7. It’s not jealousy
You discuss other guys and girls, because come on, you are not ‘in a relationship’. You encourage each other but then you start repelling. The moment the other person is on the verge of going back to their real love or finding a new one, you want to pull them back to your cozy spot. No, you are not feeling the tinge of jealousy.
8. It’s the fear
You are just feeling scared to be left alone in this game. Deep inside, you know that this is just a momentary game where one of you will run away the moment they find real love. You will never be able to give them anything, neither will they, but you just don’t want to lose them right now and stand alone. You are being selfish, clearly.
9. They’re amazing
They are your knight-in-shining armor. They are hot and make great conversation. Your mind is on fire when you converse with them. It’s exciting and really sharp. It’s like the tequila shot; fast and intense. But sooner or later you hit the ground.
10. But you feel guilty
You know they might play with your mind but they will never have the way to your heart. This makes you feel guilty and maybe sometimes, you try to feel what it would be like to feel for them. But if it was love you’d never have to try right.
11. They are making you feel addicted
You both have no ‘feelings’ going on. But you two are so stuck to each other that you are in some way blocking the way for others. There are times when you want to have a heart-to-heart conversation with someone but you are so used to have it with this attached person that you never open your heart to anyone else.
12. And selfish
And is this fair? You are cheating yourself. You started talking to them thinking it’s a no win-no loss game. Clearly, you both are here to lose. If not today, maybe tomorrow. There cannot be enough escape routes. You need to stop being so selfish